The Binding Of Ranma Saotome
by Michiko Mokuyaba
Summary: A simple metal stick can be much more trouble than it should when it falls into the hands of Ryoga Hibiki, and suddenly things go horribly wrong, as they always should in Ranma's world. written by Michiko Mokuyaba and Shinoru Aki Ameagari, together.
1. Mousse is to blame

**The Binding of Ranma Saotome**

**Chapter one**

It was a beautiful morning, the sun coming through the trees and dappling everything around in bright patches. The pollen in the air sparkled, and the narrator was thankful for no allergies. There was an artificial river, with a fence right on the side of it, protecting innocent people from falling in. The surface of the river was nearly glowing as the little spots of light hit it, making its deep, rich blue color look even more alluring. Even the fence had beauty. Girls on their way to school would chatter about how lovely it was.

The boy running across the fence, however, didn't care. He was tall, and fit, with dark hair pulled back into a short braid. He wasn't smiling at the scenery, nor was he looking like he was enjoying his quick paced run. In fact, it appeared that he was angry. The thoughts that looked like they were going through his mind were along the lines of 'Stupid Akane,' or perhaps even 'Maybe I'll actually get to school on time if no one challenges me this morning.'

"Saotome!" Drat, no such luck. The boy labeled at 'Saotome' leapt to the side. It was beyond routine now. There had only been a few occasions when Kuno of all people had beaten him. He continued his stride without missing a beat when he came back to the ground, effortlessly. Some people would have described his way of moving 'cat-like', or maybe even 'beautiful', but those same people would eat through tubes for at least a month, as well.

"Saotome, come back here!" Bellowed the senior student. The boy continued to ignore him.

_3… 2… 1… _Bam, right on time. Ryoga Hibiki had dropped from a nearby tree. Well, that was an unusual way to be attacked by Ryoga.

"Ranma!" He yelled. Ranma sighed, and ignored them both. At least he could loose Ryoga easily. All he had to do was go out of sight and the pig-man would loose his way instantly.

"Ah, the high school… Finally!" Said Ranma. Now at least he'd have an excuse for being late to class, if it even took him that long. He turned, tossing his little briefcase to Akane, who was loyally standing there, aware of the routine as well. The two men swooped in, but Ranma dodged left. They came in for another attack. Once again, Ranma dodged left. Again, and again. Then, after a while of this, Ranma's fist struck.

"Heaven's Dragon Blast!" He roared. The two challengers went flying. Ranma Saotome smiled, then dusted his hands. He caught the case that was whizzing to his head. He groaned.

"What did I do _this_ time!" He shouted after the girl who was retreating into the school.

…

"Now class, I'll take attendance." Said their teacher. Any time there was a new student, they always thought that Miss Hinako was a rather young student. The reason being that Miss Hinako had the appearance of an eight-year-old, and perhaps a similar IQ. Ranma was, for no reason – Well, other than the amazing heat – one of the only students awake. He glared.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be teaching us?" He yelled, at the same time as throwing an eraser at the sleeping teacher.

Pop 

"Whu..?" Said the little girl, eyes still half closed.

"Hmf." Said Akane, to the world in general. Ranma rolled his eyes. Akane was so unfair. If she wanted him to not do something, she'd tell him to do it. But she'd get mad if he didn't do something she told him to do. He decided that until she calmed down on her own, it wasn't worth it to get a dent on his head from Akane's mallet.

…

The stew bubbled. Kasumi was one of the best cooks around, and she could make a stew taste good out of nearly anything. She was a talented chief, and she knew it, too. It was a shame she wasn't cooking tonight…

Akane smiled. She knew, somewhere in the back of her mind, that she was a horrid cook. But this was only because her recipes tended to go wrong… this time she had followed the recipe to the T. It couldn't go wrong. She remembered Ranma's reminder to taste before she served. She dipped the spoon in and pulled it out, blowing on the chunk of meat that she had disentangled from spaghetti. Okay, only a few deviations from the recipe. She gave it a few seconds to cool and put it to her lips, tasting a small sip of the broth along with a long strand of spaghetti before chewing the meat. "Hey!" She exclaimed happily. "This is actually quite good!" she smiled. "Needs a little salt, though…" She pulled a large container from the shelf labeled "Salt." She unscrewed the lid, wondering idly why the salt was red… she had heard of that somewhere, Hawaiian sea-salt or something… she tried to pour a little in, but the substance was stuck in a and wouldn't move. She shook it harder, tuning it upside-down and finally hitting it on the side of the pot to get it out. The stiff top layer broke and fell into the pot, taking the rest of the rather large bottle with it. Akane fished the now empty plastic bottle out of the pot, only letting a little of the plastic melt into the stew. It was a large pot, she decided. It probably needed that much salt. She stirred it in, turning her head to listen to what her sister Kasumi was shouting.

"Akane?" she said, the sound muffled by distance a little.

"Yeah?" Akane replied.

"You know that the bottle marked as salt is Cayenne pepper, right?" But the sound was muffled, so she thought her sister had said, "Add some pepper." So she did, and then served the stew into several bowls, turning off the burner and letting it cool before she called the rest of the family for dinner.

…

Rain poured. The rain was a dreary change from the beautiful weather they'd had in the morning. They did have something in common, though. They both dappled things different colors, at least for a little while. This rain was heavy, and big. It was as if someone had turned the sea over onto them, only the water wasn't salty. It was terribly lucky for Nabiki Tendo to have gotten the last loaner umbrella. It was also lucky for her that the umbrella of love was broken, and had been sent back for repairs, so this wasn't it. She left.

What was unlucky was that Ranma Saotome had been left without an umbrella, and he was the one who really needed one. He sighed, and stepped out into the rain. He felt a slight prickling sensation all over his body for a moment, then it stopped. She sighed again.

"Well, looks like I'm off." She said, making her way back to the Tendo Dojo.

…

Mousse checked his mail. Finally it had come! He was more than excited… The staff of binding… This was his way to get Shampoo, at last! Shampoo would love him, be it by his trickery, or any other way. This was the way…

He held the metal staff in his hands. It was surprisingly light, but other than that, it was rather ordinary. Shampoo would drop Ranma as her husband to be, and she would have him! Yes! This was the answer!

Splash.

"Quack quaak qu quaaack!"

…

"I'm home!" Said Nabiki as she walked in the door. She nearly shut it, but Ranma had made it in just before it was too late. She shook herself off, then went further into the house.

"If you need me, I'll be in the bath." She said. Then, mentally she added, _And I sincerely hope you don't._ With that, the girl went to the bath, which turned out was still hot. _That Kasumi, gotta love 'er._ She thought with a smile, taking just a quick dip into the hot liquid.

"Ranma! Nabiki! Dinner!" Called Soun, Nabiki, Akane and Kasumi's father.

With a sigh, Ranma pulled himself out and got dressed again. Oh well, it was nice to be a guy again. He walked through the house, a towel loosely draped around his shoulders to shield the cloth of his shirt from his still dripping hair. His hair was down for once. Since after he freed himself of the effects of the dragon's whisker, he had begun tentatively letting his hair down on occasion. It was strange, but that constant state of braid was getting on his nerves, and he wasn't all that interested in keeping his hair up in a bun. He sat down at the table and looked at the strange concoction that had been set in front of him. _Spaghetti Stew? _He thought, before grabbing his spoon and twirling the spaghetti around it. It was a strange thing, but he trusted in Kasumi's cooking skills. He glanced around briefly, wondering why Akane was staring at him, before shoving the huge spoonful in his mouth. Fireworks exploded in his head, and he reached for his water glass. He downed it and stuck his head under the cold water faucet. She spluttered and came up, her face dripping, the towel forgotten on the floor.

"I take it Akane cooked tonight?"

…

A hand reached out to flip over the sign on the door so that it read 'Neko Hanten. Closed Now, Come Back In Morning' Instead of the previous and much simpler 'Open'. The hand then walked away, its owner, happily, firmly attached. The owner of the hand was quite happy, despite being stuck with the unfortunate name of 'Shampoo'.

"Tomorrow be the day Ranma finally date with Shampoo!" she exclaimed happily. "With new plan, Ranma definitely say yes!" she added, sure of herself, though the plan was only to run Ranma over with her bike and then offer him flowers and ask him out. The plan was nothing _new_ of course, and hadn't worked in the past, but this time she was sure it would. Of course, if the man standing behind her with a large metal staff had anything to say about it, the plan would fail…

…

Ryouga was lost, as usual. "Moribashi Forest, Moribashi Forest, Moribashi Forest…" he muttered, looking around him for the proper sign. Of course, he wasn't bound to find it anywhere around here, seeing as he was 500 miles away and heading the wrong direction.

What he _was _bound to find was Mousse swinging the staff of binding straight at poor unsuspecting Shampoo's head. As usual, nice guy that he was, he moved in to knock the staff out of Mousse's hands and into his own. At the sound of metal clanging against umbrella, Shampoo finally turned around. She gasped when she saw the rod that Mousse was holding out.

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at Mousse, standing there with a dazed expression. "But… but… I thought Mousse _love _Shampoo!"

Her words and her tears finally made there way through his dazed expression. "But, Shampoo, I…"

She turned her head away, wiping her tears on her sleeve. "Shampoo understand! Mousse trick Shampoo, say he love, but is only assassin sent to kill Shampoo!" She held out a microphone that appeared from nowhere, and looked up into the sky, speaking straight into it. "Oh what tragic girl I is…"

"Umm… Excuse me?" Ryouga broke in. "Am I interrupting something?" at the same moment Mousse said "My staff!" and grabbed for it.

Ryouga held the staff carefully out of Mousse's reach, ignoring the fact that he was jumping to grab it from the slightly taller man. He fended off Mousse's blows and sighed.

"I don't think that I should give this back." He said, keeping his voice reasonable. "People who attack innocent young women should not have there metal rods returned." He said, every inch calm despite the fact that he was now fending off blows from an assortment of strange objects on chains. "Is that a fish?" He asked.

"Ye-es…" Replied Mousse.

"Anyway, this staff should be good for hitting Ranma with." He said, musing out loud.

Mousse Sweat dropped. "Somehow, I think that would be a bad idea…" He said. But Ryouga was gone, and he was left with an angry Shampoo. **End Chapter One** "This is a colaboration story, so it may seem a little Wonky... Shinoru Aki Ameagari and I are still working on our techniques, so bear with us. And, er, I was going to have Shino put in an author's note too, but I can't get ahold of her, so that won't work. Miko-Chan" 


	2. A Metal Stick and a Fish

**The Binding Of Ranma Saotome**

**Chapter 2: A Metal Stick and a Fish**

"Hrmphh… I think it should be okay, as long as Son-in-Law remains in male form." Cologne stated, after the problem had been explained to her. She squatted on the table between Mousse and Shampoo, a worried frown hiding amongst her multiple other forehead creases.

"Great-Grandmother is sure?" Shampoo asked. "If Ranma get hit as girl, we have problem!" Cologne nodded sagely.

"A very big problem. _Very_ big." She said, before leaping with lightning speed to whack Mousse on the head with the wooden stick that she brought with her everywhere, mainly for battle but also so that, if necessary she could act as infirm as she looked, and as her age required. Actually, there were very few requirements for someone of colognes age, and this was simply because it was almost unheard of for someone to live as old as she was, almost 120 years old.

"Mousse!" She reprimanded. "Again, I ask you, what were you doing bringing such a disaster upon our heads?" Mousse looked down, and anger rekindled in Shampoo's eyes as Colognes words reminded the two teenagers of the reason for her anger that had almost been forgotten in the meeting to prevent disaster. But there was no time for anger now. They had to keep Ranma in male form, before a huge disaster hit.

…

Ranma rolled over and yawned, grabbing a handful of something soft and rousing when it turned into the sharp claws of a giant panda. "Pop?" he said groggily, blinking. He disentangled his hand from the soft fur and his face from the sharp claws. "Pop, how many times have I told you not to sleep like that? You're going to give me fleas one of these days! You already do that enough as a human." He whacked the panda over the head and was surprised when it turned away instead of hitting him back and starting up their morning fight. "Pop?" He asked confused.

"What did you hit that poor innocent panda for?" Ranma whirled around at the sound of his father's voice, looking behind him at Genma, a towel wrapped around his waist from the shower, very much in human form right now, and then back at the panda slinking away.

"What was a panda doing in our room?" Ranma demanded. An odd look crossed his face. "Don't tell me it was a female…" And so their morning fight happened, right on schedule, continuing through the early morning until Kasumi called them in for breakfast. As Ranma passed her to head into the kitchen he whispered quietly "You cooked today, right?"

And she replied, "Yes."

"Good." He said, and went in to scarf his rice in a record 5 seconds before heading back to his room to put on his school uniform. "Good morning!" He said cheerfully to Akane, who glowered at him. He had to think for a second before he realized why. Her meal last night, of course. He had thought that spaghetti stew was strange… but now Akane was mad at him. And he hadn't even insulted her cooking. Was it his fault that it was too spicy to eat without breathing fire? He had almost lost his tongue there, but did Akane care? No. _She _was mad at _him_.

…

The school day went rather averagely. That is, he nearly got his head shaved, and he fell in the drinking fountain (don't ask) causing Kuno to believe that his beloved pigtailedgirl went to the same school as he did. After managing to heat up some water using the heat of Akane's glare and turn back, he nearly got killed again. Luckily Kuno was dancing for joy during the transition, and therefore missed it. Kuno was now dancing for sorrow. Considering the nature of his day, Ranma was quite glad to finally leave the school. He smiled, the wind in his hair as he ran along the fence. His hair was currently up in two ponytails, and he was not pleased with it at all. He had lost a bet that morning with Kasumi… she _seemed_ so sweet, until you got to know her… it was really all an act. But at least she was a good cook. A good cook who had laughed her head off that morning. He slipped suddenly, almost losing his balance as he flailed his arms in the air to keep his balance, stepping of the piece of paper that had caused his near-fall.

He picked up the paper and read it, still jogging along the fence.

Letter Of Challenge 

_**Ranma Saotome**_

_**I have procured a metal stick and a fish, **_

_**Both stolen from Mousse, and wish to practice with them **_

_**(Although the fish has rotted). **_

_**Meet me at the empty lot behind the tree, **_

_**Somewhere between Mt. Fuji and America. **_

_**The fight will begin in approximately 3 hours. **_

Ranma sighed. From the note, Ryouga wasn't exactly sure where the lot was. They all had trees… He searched his memory for the one Ryouga might have meant as he leapt from the fence and landed lightly on the ground. Dew fell gently from his nose. No one knows why I wrote this. Except Michiko Mokuyaba. Because I am not her. Really! But on to the story. He realized at last what Ryouga had meant. _Oh, **that** empty lot! _He thought, though you, dear reader shall never know just how he deciphered this cryptic message. Mainly because the author is lazy. But enough of that. Ranma ran the last few block to the Tendo dojo, wondering what Akane's mood would be like by now. Maybe she would train with him for the fight if she were in a good mood. He would have several days of preparation, because Ryouga would defiantly be late. Ranma had decided long ago to give up ever showing up on time for a fight with Ryouga. So far, he hadn't ever been late, just early. He stepped up to the front door, just barely missing the rotted step, and swung the door open, announcing his presence to the house in general, and stepped through the doorway, unprepared for the chaos within.

"Well, don't just stand there! We have a wild panda in our house!" Said Soun. Ranma sighed. He remembered mentioning that at breakfast.

"Augh, c'mon, pop can deal with her!" Said Ranma. "He already did _once_…" He added to himself. However when people say things to themselves they're bound to be heard...

"What do you mean, Ranma?" Asked Kasumi, barely holding back a giggled at his hair. She had a broom in her hand, and a bandana on her head.

"Erk…" Said Ranma. "Nothing you need to know about. Not think I _want_ to know about…" He said with a shudder. Kasumi looked a little embarrassed, and shocked.

"Oh…" She said. Ranma nodded, then proceeded to capture the rogue Panda. It was amazingly fast for something so big. A shame its speed was wasted, because few could outrun Ranma, a fact he was quite proud of.

However, the Panda had luck on her side, as she managed to steer Ranma right into the bathroom where Akane, who was unaware of the 'rabid' panda, was bathing.

"YEEEK! Ranma!" She yelled. Before Ranma could even see anything – Not that he wanted to! – He had a case of Mallet-On-Head-Syndrome like no one but Akane can give.

"Augh! Cuddit out!" Yelled Ranma. "I happen to be doing something _useful_!" He said. After he woke up in a ball, in a garbage can somewhere, he realized where he'd gone wrong.

"Cold Pandas…" He said. He shook himself to snap out of his mild concussion. When had Akane become so… So… Vicious! Oh, wait, that's right, that wasn't new. He must've still been delirious… He hopped to his feet gingerly, in case he was missing one, or both. When he was standing on firm concrete he checked to make sure, but he had all his limbs, and even his hair. However, is was still up in pigtails, they were now braids… Oh joy… He hopped onto the nearest roof, not even bothering to take his hair out. It was light, as nights go. He must've been out of a while for it to get to late. When he saw a figure on the roof, holding a map, he was shocked.

_Wow, he's actually in Japan on the first day._ Thought Ranma idly. Ranma was going to dodge, so that he could perhaps avoid a conflict at the moment. The figure turned.

"Ranma! You never showed up!" Said Ryouga. Ranma was so surprised he stopped in mid-jump, causing him to fall.

"Wow, I didn't know I was out _that_ long!" Said Ranma. This seemed to make Ryouga angry. And with good reason.

"I was there on-time! You never showed up!" Said Ryouga. He snatched at his umbrella, then smiled, tossing something at Ranma with his other hand.

Ranma watched as the rotten fish flew at him. He dodged, but he didn't see the one that was thrown low to trip him. He stepped right on it, and it made a noise rather like '_Goushhh_'. And Ranma headed for the roof, which was the ground…

_Augh!_

Ryouga snatched out his metal rod, going to smack Ranma with it, but the young martial artist was quick on his feet, or in this case, on his stomach. He managed to dodge, if only barely. As soon as he got up, though...

_Thwak!_

"Ow!" He said. Though that was it. He was smacked. He didn't fall over, he could still move, and he was still human – He was pretty sure… However neither men were expecting any more than that out of it. Ranma smacked Ryouga's head. "You dope! You don't even know how to _use_ that, do you?" He yelled. Ryouga looked indignant, but also a little embarrassed…

"We-el… I _did_ say I wanted to practice with them…" He said, trying another blow, which was easily dodged.

"Come _on_!" Said Ranma. "_You're_ the one who used an _umbrella_! That's almost just like a stick!" Ranma yelled. Ranma had a way with words. He had a way of using them to make people angry. He'd just used words to make Ryouga angry, and want to smack him away. In fact, that's just what Ryouga did. He did it with the staff, too.

…

After landing Ranma found herself in a construction zone, with a banana peel on her head, and rotted fish on her shoe. She wasn't happy about this. The rain was a dreary thing to have come so suddenly, and Ranma had thought earlier that it was strange it always rained in spurts, totally randomly here. Either way, she was wet, dirty, unhappy, and bruised. And she could hear Ryouga catching up. She rolled her eyes. If only she could find a wig, a different outfit, or a pair of glasses she could avoid this needless fight that she wasn't in the mood for. Aha! The banana peel! The answers presented themselves… It, its self… After a moment of work, Ranma had banana peel glasses. Safety, and rest was his. She wasn't quite sure why she was so tired, but she wasn't at all up for enjoying a fight with P-chan. There was a skidding noise as Ryouga's shoes wore through a little more when he tried to stop. He had his umbrella over his head, and despite it looking like paper it was quite waterproof.

"Miss!" He said. Ranma was also silently thankful for the change in hairstyle that helped her disguise. "Miss! Have you seen a young boy come through here?" Then, after a moment of thought, "Or a young girl?" He added, with a glimmer of hope. Under any other circumstances Ranma would have laughed his head off, but instead she stayed silent aside from answering.

"I'm a young girl…" She said. Ryouga blushed. It was so easy to make that pig-man blush. "But aside from me, no, I haven't seen anyone around. The only problems with banana peel glasses are that they look like a banana peel on your face, and not glasses. Also, they have nothing to hold them on but Ranma's nose, which they were now slipping down. Ryouga's expression changed into a glare as he was forming a sentence in his mind. Ranma grinned, unsure of what else to do.

_**SMACK! BOOF! POW!**_

Ranma was normally one to say the words 'Ow', and 'That hurt' after a severe beating, but here, and now, she was silent, a paralyzing pain pulsating through her. Suddenly that stick was more powerful. That, or Ryouga learned to adapt his Umbrella-Fu to it.

"So, Ranma, how do you feel now? A little change and I can beat you. You've gotten sloppy." He said, stepping on her as he made his way to… Where ever he was going.

"You… Bastard…" Was all Ranma could managed to say before the familiar state of unconsciousness took over.

**End Chapter Two**

"Hey there, Miko-Chan here. How you likin' this so far? I've made Shinoru work her butt off so that I could write, and I hope you appreciate her sacrifice of her butt. Cause she doesn't have it anymore, thanks to me… For you… And, wow, I've been writing comedy too much tonight…

Miko-Chan"

"Hi, Its Shun-chan! I am the other author of this beautiful fanfic… okay fine, I exaggerate sometimes… but I hope you people are reading this… okay, maybe you don't _all_ need to read the authors note, but you all need to read the story. So all of you reading this who didn't read the story, go back and read it. this thing has a chapter one, you know… anyway, you owe it to me to read this. I sacrificed my butt for you guys, plus you were all wrong about the staff and probably still are…

Shinoru Aki Ameagari.

P. S: I have fanfics of my own, too. So if you are a decent human being (or oni, youkai, cat, ball of fluff, whatever) you will read them."


	3. Discovery

**The Binding Of Ranma Saotome**

**Chapter 3: Discovery**

Ranma opened her eyes. She looked up, and saw that the sky was an odd shade of white, and the stars looked like lumped plaster. Ah, it was the ceiling she was looking at!

She had fragmented memory of the previous night, and as she tried to work it out she heard the door creak open. Quickly she looked around to figure out where she was. She was on a bed, not a Tatami. She looked around at the décor, and found that it was Akane's room, all before the door could even open all the way. She closed her eyes again, sinking back into the warm covers. The pillow beneath her head had a dent in it where Akane would rest her head and sleep, and the covers smelled rather good, actually. She heard footsteps, and timed the rhythm, as well as the breathing. By the sound of it Kasumi was walking into the room, carrying a bucket of cool water. When she felt the cloth on her head she rewarded herself on being right. She opened one eye a little. She was wrong about who it was, though…

Akane sat there, on the side of the bed, staring out the window, her face a mask, hiding whatever she was feeling inside. She looked slightly sad, maybe even a little guilty. Ranma couldn't help but feel sorry for her, even though there was no reason to.

"'Morning." Said Ranma, causing Akane to jump.

"Oh, you're awake." She said, and then left the room. Ranma glared at the door once it shut. It creaked in embarrassment.

'Stupid Akane' was going through her mind, and that was evident on her face.

…

In the slightly lost mind of Ryouga Hibiki there were thoughts going through also, but no one else was around to see what they looked like on his face. The thoughts ran around each other in patterns that not even he could understand sometimes. However currently he had crystal clear understanding of murky thoughts.

The staff had such a powerful affect on Ranma, even though he'd smacked the same way he had before. When he'd challenged a few men they didn't seem as bothered by it either, so he was offended at the fact that Ranma would pretend to be hurt just to get out of battle. He wasn't complemented, because he knew Ranma wasn't one to admit he was weaker than someone, and certainly wasn't going to wiggle out of a fight he couldn't win. Ryouga didn't quite understand his reasoning on that…

He noticed a figure up ahead. "Sir!" He said eagerly, waving his map. "Sir, would you direct me to Furinkan High?"

"I don't know where you're talking about!" Said the man in a low tone that made Ryouga flinch. "This is Germany! Speak our language!" However, Ryouga didn't know how to speak German, so he simply felt yelled at, and scuttled away, still lost.

…

Shampoo was not at all happy. She'd been scanning the streets all night, and now she was cold, wet, and up until recently a cat. She glared at the wall of the room, a towel wrapping her neck.

"Is all Mousses fault!" She said bitterly to the empty room. If the room could, it would have agreed with her. "And think he try use staff on Shampoo! What would tragic girl done then?" She asked the room. The room didn't even bother trying to respond. An idea came to place in her head.

"Shampoo bind Ranma…" She said, her eyes wide. "Then Ranma be Shampoo's, no argue…" She grinned wickedly. "Now all shampoo need do is get stick from Ryouga." She said gleefully, snatching her bicycle and rushing out. Shampoo didn't know where Ryouga was, but she had a good idea how to find him. She headed for his house. How she figured out where that was is beyond us…

…

"Hello, ma'am, would you tell me how to get to Furinkan High?" Ryouga asked of the rather elderly lady. The woman looked puzzled.

"I don't speak Chinese." She said. However neither of the two understood each other. Ryouga sighed.

"_Now_ how do I find it?" He asked, leaving. He saw a rather tall structure. "Hmm, that looks familiar, perhaps I'm getting close!" He said.

Once he'd gone away, two of the locals smiled up at the building. "Wow, the Eiffel Tower is truly lovely tonight." One of them said, in the home language.

…

Ranma's fever hadn't reduced. He must've been out there a long time. Akane sighed. No one else was home right now. She didn't know what to think of herself at the moment. Ranma had a high fever, and it wasn't going to go down any time soon, as far as she could tell. She felt guilty for causing it, because on top of that, Ranma had taken to throwing up. It had been two days now, and Ranma was doing horribly. She didn't want to catch whatever he had, because if it affected _him_ that much, think how bad it would be on anyone else!

She sighed again, and wondered when Soun and Kasumi would be home from shopping.

"Augh, don't look so glum!" Came a voice. It was unmistakable that the voice belonged to Ranma, in female form. "It looks wrong on a Macho Chick like you." Said Ranma. Akane boiled with anger. She pulled her mallet out of nowhere, and whiled around, ready to hit Ranma—

--Then she stopped. She'd forgotten for a moment that he was ill, but it came back when she looked at him, or her. Her rage simmered down, and she bit what was left of it back. Ranma was slumped against the doorway, and looked just generally unhealthy.

"Ranma, be aware that I will not give you any slack once you're well. You're getting off easy this time, but I'm going to keep a list if you're not careful." She said. Ranma snorted. She wasn't _that_ ill… she felt fine, except the fact that she was throwing up all the time… She couldn't help herself, and stormed off. Akane made her so _mad _sometimes…

Being sick was making her temperamental. This really sucked. Ranma hadn't been sick since he was three, and then only for a day. Occasionally he (and sometimes she) caught a mild cold, but it wasn't that common of a thing, happening every two years at most. All the hard exercise, training, and dieting (not much of that, though) had kept his (and, as I said before, her) immune system rather strong, so that getting sick was rare, and easier to cope with than the injuries from his most minor fights with Ryouga. Again, as her thoughts turned toward Ryouga the same anger welled up in the pit of her stomach.

_Ryouga, that _bastard! There was something, some spell in the staff, of course. And he had figured out how to use it. _I thought Ryouga had honor. What a dirty way to win a fight. _Another thought, this one a little more melancholy, entered unbidden into her mind. _I thought Ryouga was an honorable rival. A man I might even call a friend… _ but she banished the unwanted thought to the back of her mind. He obviously was not, for no true friend would never willingly use a staff like that on a friend. Would never in his right mind inflict a disease just to defeat an enemy in what she had thought to be a friendly series of fights and challenges, tests of strength and reasons to always stay on guard, to constantly strive to better oneself. She had thought that all the hate went out of it years ago, but not so…

…

Someone was lost. I would give you one guess, but you would probably guess wrong. Anyway, there is no one here to guess, just me. So I guess I will just tell you… It wasn't Ryouga for once, it was Shampoo. But you will be relieved, in the depths of your fangirl minds, to know that it was at least Ryouga's fault…

Shampoo turned the map upside down, wondering vaguely why the dot marked 'YOU ARE HERE' was at least fifty miles away from where she had started. She also wondered if Okinawa was really somewhere in Mexico, and if Mexico was really in Japan… But she wasn't exactly sure of Japanese Geography, so she just accepted Ryouga's map at face value, though the fact that it had mount Fuji somewhere in the vicinity of Hidaka seemed a bit off… She had finally, due more to asking directions than to the map, found her way to Ryouga's city, and was currently wondering why Ryouga lived in a mall. She was sure she had used the address on the map exactly.

She left the mall after checking all of the kitchens and bathrooms in the do-it-yourself house building section and stopped a traveler on the street. "Nihao, Sir Man?" She asked, as politely as she could. The man turned around and looked at her, slight annoyance on his face. His look quickly switched to a gracious smile when he saw her (and her chest area.)

"How may I help you, Ma'am?" He replied, beaming a little more than was necessary. Shampoo didn't seem to notice. She got this reaction from a lot of men, and so assumed it was normal.

"You know of Hibiki house, this city, please?" she said, throwing the please in as an afterthought at the end. She really was trying to be polite… the man smiled again at her accent.

"Yeah, I know of that place. The owners are hardly ever home, though." He said, making a small understatement.

"Much thank you, Sir Man!" she smiled back. "You tell Shampoo where go, is okay?" His smile never faltering, he replied.

"I'll take you there myself!" Shampoo didn't like his smile that much, but she still didn't want him to get hurt when she fought Ryouga for the staff. "No thank, Sir Man. Tell which way fine!" She said, offering him paper and pen. He sighed and wrote down some simple directions, abandoning any hope of inviting the clueless girl out for coffee. "Here you go." He said, handing her the sheet. His coffee break only had about ten minutes left, and he still wanted to grab a snack real quick…

…

The air shimmered with heat, mirage filling the dips in the road as if they were pools of water in the desert. _It's strange, _thought Ryouga Hibiki, _that this strange phenomenon of reflected air just happens to show us exactly what we want to see. _He was tired, on his last legs, and who knows how far from civilization. The farther he walked down the road, the farther he got from the last town he had visited. But it was hours down the road now, and he knew he wouldn't make it if he turned back. _No _he thought. _What I really want to see isn't water, it's a town…_ what he didn't know was that he was in one…

As you may have guessed, someone else was lost too. That someone, predictably, was Ryouga. It was more like he was _still _lost than he had gotten lost. Ryouga had gotten lost when he was born, very nearly coming out the wrong way, and simply had yet to have gotten found. Though sometimes Ranma could be annoyed or tricked into leading him places…

But anyway, you don't need to worry about Ryouga. He'll survive, I'm pretty sure. Because what he's seeing isn't Mirage after all, it's a swimming pool, and the swimming pool is in the backyard of a house, and the house is in a rainforest, And Ryouga is on the roof. Desert indeed. Unfortunately he has still not found his home country…

…

Ranma spluttered indignantly and got up, glaring daggers at the young man standing before her. The young man was Mousse, and he was throwing daggers at Ranma. Which would have made them even, if Ranma had been glaring real daggers. Or if looks could kill. Actually, if looks could kill Ranma would have an advantage; because her glare was the killing type. She dusted her black tank top and baggy pants off, catching the daggers in one swift movement with her left hand. Normally, even Ranma would have had to dodge a few, but it seemed that today, despite being sick, she was still rather quick. "Aha!" said Mousse, as if her unusually quick reaction confirmed something. It must have, because he tossed a cardboard box into her hand and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Ranma picked up the box delicately, wondering when it would explode and how far she needed to chuck it for safety. She glanced down and looked at it when she realized that it wasn't going to explode. She stared in shock for a few more moments. It wasn't possible. It was a joke. It would explode, Mousse would come back and laugh… but the more seconds that passed without any of those things happening, the more she began to think that maybe, just maybe, he had given it to her for the reason it was intended. But then she snapped back to reality. It _really _wasn't possible. They say a woman knows these things, but then again Ranma wasn't a woman…

**End Chapter Three**

Next comes the major plot chunk, so you just sit tight, it'll be cool, I promiss!


	4. Hide Away

**The Binding of Ranma Saotome**

**Chapter 4: Hide Away**

Ranma tapped her fingers impatiently on the immaculate white tiles of the bathroom sink. Time moved so slow when you were dying of curiosity. At the same time, she knew there could be only one result… The clock ticked slowly, its surface dented by the multiple impacts of Ranma's head on several occasions. It seemed to be moving more slowly than usual. Maybe she should look now? But she resisted the impulse to sneak a peek. She didn't want to see until the result was definite. Still one more minute to go…

She turned her gaze from the clock to the ceiling, trusting in the fact that clocks always moved faster when you ignored them. Instead, she studied the ceiling. Especially here, in the bathroom, it was patched repeatedly in different types of wood, so it looked more like a rather hard and wooden quilt than any sort of a ceiling. What the hell, at least it was watertight.

She sighed and glanced at the clock. It had stopped moving altogether. This might have something to do with the fact that it was ripped in half, cords delicately dangling through the center. But the clock had been like that since before his fight with Ryouga. It had still worked, so the Tendos hadn't replaced it yet. But it must have stopped somewhere in between the ceiling looking and the sigh.

A loud banging resounded through the tiny room. Ranma looked from the clock to the door, calling out to it in an annoyed voice. "I'm _in _here!" she told the door sharply.

"I _know!_" Akane Replied. She must have not realized that Ranma was talking to the door. "You have been in there for half an hour!"

Ranma startled out of the glower that was beginning to form on her face. "Half an hour?" she asked, incredulously. According to the clock it was less than three minutes. The damn thing really _was _slower than it should be. He glanced over at the test that lay on the counter, the words 'be right out, Akane' half formed on her lips. But she swallowed abruptly at what he saw there. Two blue lines. "I… I'm not sick, I'm…" Akane couldn't hear the next part. The door, was getting its revenge for Akane's earlier pounding by blocking our the important part of the sentence…

"You're _what?" _Ranma realized that he had been speaking out loud.

"I _said_ I'm a monkeys uncle! Now leave me alone!" And Akane did so, but that last word lodged its self into her mind, dormant for now…

…

Shampoo stopped at the doorstep to Ryouga's house, taking a deep breath before climbing up the rickety wooden steps and ringing the bell. The sound echoed through the house. Somehow the sound told Shampoo that it was empty. That and the faded, falling apart note on the door.

_**Ryouga,**_

_**We are out of milk.**_

_**I went to the store.**_

_**I will be back in 20 minutes or so.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Your Mother.**_

Shampoo glanced across the street, looking in awe at the fact that there was a grocery store standing there in plain view. She sniffed the note. By the smell it was at least two months old… How someone could take two months to go across the street for milk was beyond her. Another note was beside the first, but the writing was too faded and unreadable with age. Maybe something about taking checkers for a walk? The only words that Shampoo could really discern were "Your Father."

Shampoo rang again, hoping that Ryouga had just been sleeping. But as usual, Ryouga was nowhere near his house. She glanced at the map again. Yep, according to the map she had the wrong address. She turned from the house, starting to walk away when she realized that she had already checked the address on the map, and that it was a mall. Also, she recalled the sign that she was just passing under, the one reading "Hibiki" in flowing handwriting. She turned back and gazed at the house, and sighed. Where was that damn fool Ryouga?

…

Ryouga stopped and stared. His house seemed to have grown since he left it. Maybe it was just his imagination? He walked in the front door and looked around. Were his parents having a party? Umm… a party where they were attempting to sell all the guests cheap perfume in the living room? And since when was there a MacDonald's in his house? Oh… the mall. Not his house at all…

He left out the door again, relieved. He really needed some rest now, and the one thing he did not need was a party. A rest and a chance to think over battle strategies for his re-match with Ranma. He fingered the end of the metal staff poking out of his pack idly. The metal was cool and smooth against his fingers.

It seemed to be an ordinary staff. He had tested it on several other men, and they were okay… but if it was ordinary, then why had Ranma… He let the thought fall, unfinished, into the back of his mind as he shoved the staff deeper into his backpack so that the end didn't poke out anymore.

He stopped a man walking along the street, tapping him on the shoulder. The man was very businesslike, wearing a suit and all, and seemed more disgusted than surprised at Ryouga's current state. (Covered in mud and scratches, torn up clothing, pristine bandanna, etc.)

"Look." Said the man, firmly. "If you're one of the stolen characters from the Takahashi case, you will have to make an appointment. This is my coffee break, and I have resolved to not do _any _work of any sort during my coffee break. So I am sorry, sir, but you will just have to wait..." Ryouga blinked.

"Umm… My creator lost some characters?" The man sighed.

"Yeah, most of the InuYasha ones. I thought you were Kouga for a second there…" Ryouga snorted in a most Kouga-like way.

"I most certainly am _not_! Anyway, do you happen to know where the Hibiki residence is?" He was a little embarrassed. If this man realized he _lived _there and still didn't know the way, he would never live it down.

The man looked startled. "Are they having a party or something?" He asked. "I just pointed an incredibly beautiful girl in that direction a few minutes ago!"

Ryouga's heart tried its best to skip a beat. But since it was controlled by his subconscious, it was luckily unsuccessful. _A… Akane? _ He thought. "What did she look like?" He asked.

The man sighed in remembering. "Long, flowing purple hair, big eyes, two buns… way out of my league…" _Oh. Shampoo. _Ryouga realized.

"Actually, I know her…"

…

Ranma had found a way under the house, and so far no one had found her. She was thankful. How the hell was she going to tell the Tendos? And… How? Her mind buzzed heavily with questions. She wondered idly in the back of her mind what would happen if she were to change back into a guy. The thought was unpleasant. Well, it looked like she was going to have to talk to Dr. Tofu, then…

"Where's Ranma? Dinner's ready." She heard Kasumi say. Well, dinner was something to look forward to. She snuck out of her hiding place and dusted herself off, then went back into the house.

"There you are, Ranma." Said Nabiki. Ranma's money protection sensors were nothing to write home about, but they should have gone off. Lucky for him, Nabiki wasn't up to anything. "Kasumi says dinner's ready." She said. Ranma nodded, and went to the dining room. She looked over the inhabitants. Two pandas he couldn't tell apart, Soun, Kasumi, Akane, and Nabiki behind her. No guest. Good, Ranma didn't quite feel up to anyone else.

They sat down for dinner, and Ranma realized how hungry she was.

"Itadakimasu." Was said all around the table, and Ranma dug in, ignoring everyone else. The food was good, but Kasumi's cooking was always good. Ranma assumed that this was some American dish. It has sausage, bacon, cauliflower, and milk in it. It was a stew, and it was pretty good. It seemed strange to use these, but hey, whatever works.

Eventually, after Ranma finished her second helping, she realized that no one else had even _touched_ their food, aside from Akane, who had some dribbling out of her mouth. Ranma felt six pairs of eyes locked in a stare at the top of her head. She scratched that spot. The eyes didn't leave.

"What?" She asked, taking another bite. Silence filled the room, other than Akane finally realizing her what her gag reflex was telling her. Ranma glared around to room. "What?" She asked again, this time with a bit of frustration in her tone. Shock silence didn't let up. "Look, I'm not gonna ask again. _What_!" She said. It was Soun who managed to speak first.

"Ranma, Akane cooked tonight…" He said. Ranma stared at him.

"You let her cook twice in one week?" Ranma blurted out. Akane, however, was in no condition to smack her. Soun coughed.

"Ranma, _Akane_ cooked tonight…." He said. Ranma shrugged. "_Akane_ cooked." Soun repeated. Something sunk in inside Ranma's mind.

"Oh my god, _Akane _cooked!" She said with her face wrinkling in horror. "And…And… It's good!" She yelled, eating some more. Everyone else took an experimental bite of theirs. "What, you don't want any?" Said Ranma.

Akane, who was still conscious, realized something… Her food tasted kinda like feet, only way worse…

…

8:00 AM, or there abouts, not that Ryouga _really_ knew…

Ryouga sighed, coming out of an extra leafy patch in the forest. Hey knew he followed the directions exactly. How did he end up here?

"Ayah, is no good…" Came a voice behind him. He turned half way, and the voice spoke again. "Ryouga helpless!" Said Shampoo. Ryouga smiled.

"Shampoo!" He yelled. The girl stopped and faced him.

"That is you, Ryouga?" She asked. "Ah! Shampoo have staff of binding, is okay?" Said Shampoo. Ryouga was confused.

"You mean that metal sick Mousse had?"

"Yes, Metal sick Mousse is have." Said Shampoo. "That is one." She said, holding her hands out. Ryouga glared down at her.

"Why do you want it?" He asked suspiciously. Shampoo smirked.

"Ryouga gives Shampoo Staff, and Shampoo is giving Ryouga Akane!" She said, holding her finger up. "Is deal?"

Ryouga smirked in a manor that copied Shampoo. "Is deal!" He said. "But first, can you lead me to…" He realized he couldn't ask her to lead him to his house. "…The Tendo Dojo?" He asked.

"Ayah… Ryouga is no sense direction? Is that way!" Said Shampoo, leading him. "Shampoo come late at night when Ranma is sleep." She told him. "But Shampoo can lead Ryouga." She said. "First Shampoo fills in…"

…

10:37 PM…

Ranma had been hiding again. She was going to go to Dr. Tofu tomorrow, or the day after… Or maybe the day after that, but sometime soon, she told herself. She heard voices. People walked above her, so she could make out a few words.

"…_No, Ranma hasn't been feeling well for a couple of nights now. Is there anything I can do for you, Ryo…?_"

Ranma almost tried to stand up, but remembered herself before she did. She slid out from under the house and dusted herself of, entering. She put on a plastic smile and walked in.

"No, I really don't know what's wrong with Ranma," Said Akane. "But to tell the truth, I'm kinda relieved." She chuckled, not noticing Ranma behind her.

"Me too." Said Ryouga." Ranma listened to the conversation. They weren't exactly bad-mouthing her, but they didn't want her around… Her jaw tightened to the point where she could chew metal like tofu, her hands formed fists that might have been so time there was blood, if there were anywhere for it to bleed, and her arms shook slightly with her head bowed. She let out the air she'd been holding sharply, and both people jumped, turning around.

"Oh, Ranma!" Said Akane, choking on whatever she was going to say next.

"I'm going…" Ranma began in a voice so low and threatening that Ryouga had to resist hopping back out of fear. Akane was too shocked to resist. "I'm going…" She said again. "...For a _walk_!" She screamed indignantly, rather than what they were expecting. With that, she turned on her heel and walked off stiffly.

…

After Akane had recovered from this affect she regained control of her limbs. She'd seen Ranma angry before, and jealous, but _never_ like that… Ryouga's jaw was still clicking. Akane jumped up, snatching her coat and another one for Ranma, something sinking in.

_Ranma, you jerk, why the _hell_ do I put up with you!_ Despite thinking that, she was worried.

There she found Ranma, in from of the fountain, shoulders still shaking, head bowed low.

"Ranma, you're crying!" She said, shocked. She expected that to happen about as much as she expected Kasumi to get mad about Akane saying 'thank you'.

"Am not…" Said Ranma. Akane, forgetting she was worried about Ranma, let her instincts get the best of her.

"Are too!"

"Am not…"

"ARE TOO!" Screamed Akane. She was amazed when Ranma didn't even stir, or try to top her. She was yet more surprised when Ranma leaned on her shoulder.

"Akane, how the hell did this happen?"

_I'm dreaming… This is a really weird dream…_ Akane told herself, while at the same time trying to soothe Ranma. "What happen?" Ranma pulled something out of her pocked and showed it to Akane.

"You're _pregnant_?" She screamed. Ranma had somehow fallen asleep, and slept through that. Her face was indeed streaked with tears. For one, and Akane assumed it would never happen again, she was a truly humbled Ranma, and she felt really sorry for him.

End Chapter Four 

"Well, hope you liked this chapter, folks. I know this seems a little weird, and I apologize if this is something that's horribly overdone, but I liked it when I though of it, and I hope you like it almost as much. Any-hoo, I love Reviews, and I'll be starting the next chapter.

Miko-Chan."

"Well, that's one more chapter done. Geesh, this is too long… almost 500 words… I would really love it if all of you guys reviewed! BTW, I did the first half this time…

P.S: Read my other story, too. Look up Shinoru Aki Ameagari and read Icy Skies… if you read Inuyasha as well as Ranma…"


	5. Embrace of the Curry

**_The Binding Of Ranma Saotome_**

**_Chapter 5: Embrace of the Curry_**

Ranma sighed, and opened her mouth a couple of times experimentally. Well, she still had a mouth, so the day could be worse. So, today was another day, she assumed.

"Nuh… Pops?" She asked, rolling onto her side. A wave of nausea came over her. Slowly the memories of the past few days swam into place. Oh, right… "Pops, get me a bucket…" She said. She didn't want to have to face the school today, but there was no avoiding it. Dr. Tofu was out of town, so Ranma would have to wait a month to see him. Well, time to find another physician.

**No, I don't want to…** Was clutched in Genma's hand. Augh, that sucks.

Akane slid the door open.

"Ranma?" She asked quietly. Ranma rolled over to face her. "Breakfast is ready. Kasumi cooked." She said with a small, encouraging smile. Ranma, who was not up to thinking such thoughts, would have thought that Akane looked especially cute just then, but in her current state of mind couldn't fathom such thoughts. Ranma closed her eyes again.

"Thank you." She said. Akane flinched slightly, and left. Slowly Ranma rolled out of the tatami's warm and inviting covers to get dressed. As a rather putrid smell came wafting through the hall Ranma seriously considered the bucket prospect.

"'Morning." She said vaguely to everyone. Generally Ranma could be a morning person, and was rarely caught even a little bit asleep, other than when he was asleep, of course, but at this moment she was totally zonked out. Not one at the table seemed worried about it overly much, it was simply the fact that Ranma was sick. Akane, however, seemed really bent out of shape. She seemed – To Ranma – To be jealous, and yet grudgingly trying to make Ranma's life less of a burden.

Coming back out of those thoughts Ranma noticed the food in front of her. It wafted with awful smells, and made Ranma want to vomit even more than before.

She coughed.

"Itadakimasu!" Said everyone else, enjoying the meal. Ranma poked the food with her chopsticks. It acted as it should have, but the smell spread around some more.

_Kasumi's cooking is good…_ She told herself. She took an experimental bite. It tasted poisonous.

_Oh, god… _She tilted her head back and covered her mouth, dashing for the bathroom.

After a few moments of vomiting, then silence Ranma looked back up at the little patchwork ceiling.

"Damn…" She said quietly.

Knock, knock, knock. "Ranma? Are you okay?" This was Kasumi's voice. Ranma smiled weakly, only for the change it would bring in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just, you know, a little under the weather, I suppose…" She said, though she knew she couldn't hide behind this lie for much longer.

…

Ranma had gotten ready for school by this point, though she hadn't the foggiest clue how she would face it. She'd had to borrow Akane's old uniform that was slightly tattered, and too small around the chest, as well as a bit too loose at the waist. She didn't say anything, lest she offend Akane and someone else found out.

"Itikimasu." She mumbled as she left. She'd dumped out the foul-smelling food that Kasumi had cooked for her lunch, the thought of feeling guilty hadn't even occurred to her.

After a moment of walking she glanced up at the fence she normally ran on.

Hop, tmp, crash.

Ranma, after making it up to the fence, and landing perfectly, simply couldn't balance.

"Augh, I hate boobs." She said, climbing out of the river.

"Ranma! We're gonna be late! Don't waste time!" Yelled Akane, running past her.

"Yay..." Said Ranma, dirty water dripping down her face. There was one thing to being a girl all the time; there was less how water around than cold, so he wouldn't be changing all the time.

…

Ryouga, at the steps of the Tendo Dojo, had gotten lost.

"Shampoo, why did you leave already?" He asked to the world.

"Shampoo is here." She said. "And she is ringing the doorbell!" Ryouga turned around.

"Oh, I, uh, I see…" He said quietly.

After a moment Shampoo was gone. He was left this nothing but a plan held in his mind. He didn't understand it, really, because apparently the staff did something, but Shampoo didn't seem to want to tell him. That was okay; he could care less about that dumb metal rod.

"Oh, Ryouga." Said Kasumi, opening the door. "Ranma and Akane are still at school, but they should be home soon, if you want to wait for them." Kasumi said as she ushered him inside.

"Oh, I, uh, y-yes, I'll wait f-for Akane." He said, a blush rising to his cheeks just from thinking about the girl. beautiful Akane...

As soon as she crossed the thresh hold that was the doorway he knew something was wrong, and it was his fault. Mainly this was because he'd just stepped on Kasumi's foot.

…

Class had been horrible.

Gym had been horrible.

Lunch had been _horrible_.

_School_ had been horrible!

Ranma looked around again from her hiding spot – Up a tree – to make sure Kuno wasn't there. As a guy Ranma hated Kuno, but as a girl Ranma _hated_ Kuno. She was pretty sure it was unhealthy to a baby to get squished in on its self. Well that could have been a perk; getting rid of pregnancy without abortion. Sadly, she didn't really feel like having her spine powdered, so it was a dilemma.

But at the present…

Life was horrible!

Kuno was out of sight, and Ranma knew this was the very best time to go, which is why she didn't. Bad things always happen at the very best time…

Kuno remained out of sight. Ranma craned her neck to see him. She sighed.

"Now or never…" She recited, standing up and dusting herself off. She stood there a moment. She was totally fine; nothing was broken, bruised, sprained or powdered. However despite all this she was regretting coming out, and she didn't yet know why.

"RANMA!" Ah, that would be why.

"Um, yes?" She said innocently.

"_How_ did you become pregnant?" Said Akane in the level, cool tones of someone who doesn't want to explode in public, because they have a worse torture in mind.

"I don't know!" Said Ranma hotly, in the tones of one trying to get out of this worse torture by causing an explosion now.

"Normally babies have _fathers_…" Said Akane so quietly that Ranma would have strained to hear it, had he not already known her dialog.

"Are you implying--?" Ranma began, a little confused, and relieved he didn't have to finish the sentence when Akane cut him off with:

"No, I'm not _implying_! I'm interrogating! You had s--!" Ranma's hand was over Akane's mouth, and for the life of either of them, they weren't sure how it got there, least of all Ranma. Only the evil little squirrel knew the answer, but that's another story.

"No I didn't!" Ranma hissed, regretting touching Akane at all when she didn't consent first.

"Mnf-mnf-mfn!" Said Akane.

"'My-mince-muffin'?" Ranma retorted, raising one eyebrow. Akane looked sheepish, and then shook her head vigorously. "Ri-ight…"

Ranma removed her hand from Akane's mouth, and shrugged her shoulders as the evil little squirrel scampered off. "So what _were_ you saying, then?" She asked, curiously.

"None of your business!" Akane shot back at him, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. _I really don't want him to know that I was saying my-mince-muffin…_ She thought, slightly embarrassed. Mind controlling squirrels are really evil.

"Of course it is my business!" He said. "You were talking to me, after all!" Akane knew that she had to change the subject, and fast.

"Well, who is that baby's father? You were just about to tell me, ri-ight?" She asked, looking up at Ranma expectantly. Ranma glared daggers at her. But since, again, they were not real daggers, Akane wasn't that affected. Ranma reminded herself to learn to glare real daggers… So instead, she dropped a bomb. But it wasn't a _real _bomb… nooo, that might hurt the baby! She was getting pretty sick of this stupid baby already…

_I guess a hunch is better than nothing…_

She added a few things up in her head very quickly, and decided what the most likely answer was._  
_

"It's Ryouga's." She said, neglecting to mention her theory that Ryouga had used a magic staff to make her pregnant, and that she still had her virginity in both forms. That was one of the strange-ish things about having both a male and a female form. You ended up with a double virginity…

One of the strange-ish things about dropping bombs was that you ended up with large wooden mallets whammed into your head. And angry tomboys named Akane glaring daggers at you that were almost real. So real, in fact, that you had to dodge them… Oh, wait, those were the daggers that she was throwing.

"A…Akane?" Said a very battered looking Ranma. "Be careful. You might hurt the _baby_…."

…

Akane was sulking. Everyone in the house could tell, but the brunt of it fell on Ranma. When Akane sulked, a black storm cloud lay constantly over the house. When Akane sulked, you were in mortal peril just to raise your head… When Akane sulked, everyone in the house was angry with the one who had caused her to sulk. In this case – and most other cases as well - that meant Ranma.

When Akane sulked, life was hell. Because when Akane sulked, Akane cooked… with Ranma's reaction to Kasumi's food, she was sure that Akane's would be terrible. She selectively ignored the one instance when Akane's food had been good. No, delicious. Because that was just a fluke, right? She geared herself up as gently as possible to the fact that just this once she would have to eat Akane's food to get forgiven.

Ranma took another step forward, her mind wincing as she saw the kitchen door, looming in front of her. She took another step, and crossed the threshold… There, in the middle of the kitchen, sat her worst fear. A pot of hot water was boiling. Ranma was convinced that if it touched her, she would turn into a guy and kill the baby, and most likely herself. This meant a lot of very unpleasant cold showers and baths, but after training with his father this was nothing new.

The worst thing was the food bubbling in the pot. The curry. Akane's curry, looking so innocent and sweet. But just beneath the surface, death awaited…

She took one more step into the kitchen. Should she turn back? But no, too late. Akane had seen her already. "Umm…?" She said, barely above a whisper.

"Yes Ranma?" Akane said, her voice full of stinging ice and even more daggers. "You wanted something?" She said, telling Ranma with her every movement that she was most definitely not welcome here.

"Umm…?" Ranma repeated again. "Akane?" She tried, wondering if she dared ask her question. _Too late_ she reminded herself. "May I try your curry? It smells wonderful!" She said, bringing up as much cheer as she could muster. "It… It really _does_…" She repeated rather quieter, surprised to find that she was telling the truth.

Akane glared. "Go on." She said, clearly wondering if she would really taste it.

This time she had tried it beforehand, and it was horrible… _just let that Ranma lie to me! I'll make him eat platefuls!_ But Ranma was already serving herself. Strange how messy she could be… she already had food down her front, and she was just tasting, right…?

"That was good!" She said. Akane frowned. Ranma was still serving herself, so how…? "…So good that I need a fifth serving!" Akane couldn't quite hold back a gasp. It was true, half the pot was already gone, and she had cooked in Kasumi's largest pot, the one that took up all four burners and still hung off.

Akane wondered briefly where Kasumi had gotten such a thing, but it's in Ranma's POV, so that's not really in the story.

As Akane thought this, Ranma had emptied another bowlful and was refilling again for a sixth serving, a look of pure bliss on her forehead – Because that was the only part of her face still visible under the neon blue kelp sauce - even though she knew that she would throw this up in a little bit. It was just that good… which was weird. Akane had cooked this.

_Oh, who cares anyway? _She thought, happily shoveling more onto the plate. _At least there is something here I can eat. Plus, it makes apologizing easier. _

Just then, Kasumi walked into the kitchen and looked at Ranma's belly.

"Ummm, Ranma, are you _pregnant?_" Ranma's heart skipped a beat. Well, not a real beat. And not a real bomb, and not real daggers… so much fake stuff. She looked down at her stomach, and it was indeed round and poking out. _But… but it's only been a week! _She thought, suddenly much less happy.

"Umm… Kasumi, no." Akane said, lying badly. "He just ate a lot of food…" Which was true… in fact, Ranma realized, this was the cause of her 'Pregnant-looking' Belly after all. Just after realizing this, she realized that morning sickness couldn't tell that this was evening…

**End Chapter Five**

(A/N: the crappy parts were Me. Have forgiveness, and don't flame my sister…

Shun-chan

A/N:_ Michiko here, Sorry this one took so long, but I had writer's block, then so did Sis over here on my right. Sigh… And the worst part about it is _she's_ starting the next chapter… And she's doing weird POV things that I have to mend slightly… Ahh well, hope you enjoyed this chapter all the same, cause I can't alter it _too much_, if I did it wouldn't be collaborative, and that would make me sad. I don't think I can write this all on my own._

_P.S. I changed the Ryouga thing, because I agree, it didn't make much sence... But I couldn't just negate it, what with it being Sis' bit and all... _

_Miko-Chan._)


	6. Child Support

**The Binding Of Ranma Saotome**

Chapter 6: Child Support

"No. Absolutely no way!" Ryouga said, glaring at Ranma with all of his might. "There is no way that that child is mine. Just no way." Ranma smirked.

"Want me to have the stupid thing DNA tested?" She asked, confidently. So what if it was just a hunch? With the way things worked in her world, the child was Ryouga's no doubt. Ryouga blanched at Ranma's confident air.

"But… you're a guy, and I'm a guy… and we never-" A thought hit Ranma, leaving a rather large lump on her head where it had struggled to get in. despite the injury, Ranma smiled.

"That isn't what _Akane_ thinks, though." She said, grinning. "Since it's your fault that I'm pregnant, how about you go explain to her what happened, eh?" This would be fun, the thought told her as she watched Ryouga's face fall.

_I should keep this child after all! A whole lifetime of 'you got me pregnant, so you do this!'_ An image burst its way in through her thick skull. Ryouga in an apron, cleaning the house while Ranma herself sat pretty by the fire, playing with the child. This would be _fun_…

Ryouga grimaced, not that happy with the way things were going. He knew that smirk of Ranma's, and he knew that this couldn't end that well… "Great." He said, sighing. "Then you really expect me to dress up in an apron?" He asked, whacking the image of Ranma and her baby on the head.

"Stop that!" Ranma cried. "You'll hurt the baby! Never mind, at this rate you'll kill the stupid thing!" She reached to snatch the image out of the way, a look of desperation mixed with hopefulness on her face. On the one hand, she couldn't stand to see the baby hurt. That was strange. Maternal instinct or something? "And any way, how can you see into _my _head images?"

Ryouga looked puzzled. "I guess I just can…" He said, absentmindedly stroking the rather large orangey-red monkey that had landed in his lap. He lifted the monkey for a second to smooth out the skirts of his dress, setting it down again and scratching it behind the ears. Ranma gazed down at her rather large belly.

"Hi baby." She said softly, propping her feet up by the fire, wondering briefly why it was a child now and not a swollen stomach. She raised a finger and watched her daughter grab on, smiling at her, so glad that she wasn't dead. "Oy, Ryouga!" She called over to the kitchen.

"Hai, Ran-chan?" The aproned figure answered.

"Could I have some grub? I'm starving, and the kid wants a bottle!" A few minutes later, Ryouga arrived with a plate heaping with her favorite foods and a bottle of warm milk. He set the tray down and leaned down to give Ranma a quick kiss before returning to the cleaning. Ranma was startled by the proximity, but found that she didn't mind. She gazed fondly at the baby, who said…

"RANMA! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND COME TO BREAKFAST!" disturbing that a kid so young had learned such lang-

…

Ranma woke up.

It had been a nice dream… No, it hadn't.

…Ryouga had looked strangely good in that apron…

_No, he hadn't_, Ranma told herself.

They had been nice monkeys? Okay, that was fine. The monkey, at least, was an okay thought to dwell on. Though certainly not Ryouga in that flowered cotton dress… no, certainly not that.

The dream had left her addled, Ranma decided. Maybe even brain damaged. She reached for some clothing to wear, dreading the day that she would be forced to shop in the maternity section.

Stripping off her PJs, she pulled the Chinese style shirt on, and then the baggy pants up over her… Stomach. It was impossible. She couldn't be showing yet, it was simply not possible.

Then, she realized, that her imagination was getting the best of her, because she wasn't showing. She sighed. Definitely brain damaged.

And, as is true of many not possible things, it hadn't happened, Ranma reassured herself with a quick look. Two weeks to go until Dr. Tofu was back… two weeks in hell. She wobbled out to the breakfast, surprised that the morning sickness hadn't started yet. Usually it was there when she first woke up… oh, there it was. She wobbled off to the bathroom, screaming back to Akane that she would be there soon enough, _thank you very much. _

…

To say that the day had gone well was the farthest thing from the truth possible. The truth was that the day had been terrible. The truth was that she was living in hell. The truth was that Ryouga had finally found his way back to Furinkan High… And that wasn't the worst of it. Because, do you remember the metal stick that had made Ranma pregnant in the first place? Well, now Shampoo had it. And apparently if a girl hit a boy, the girl would get pregnant, and if a boy hit a girl, the girl would get pregnant… basically, if anyone hit anyone of the opposite sex, the girl was screwed, because the girl had a womb. Ranma was seriously wishing that she wasn't a girl…

Of course, she wasn't, but that wasn't helping much with Shampoo chasing her around with a kettle of hot water, trying to turn her into a guy and become pregnant with her child… If only shampoo knew how truly horrible being with child was. But she couldn't tell her, oh no… not with _Ryouga _around. She just wasn't ready to deal with telling Pig-boy that he was a father. Somehow she had a feeling that he wouldn't take the news that well.

She could just imagine it. "Ryouga, guess what! I'm pregnant!" She would say. He would look at her as if he always expected that she would come to this. Then supplying "It's yours." She couldn't quite imagine the reaction, but it wouldn't be good. She leaned against the tree in the schoolyard, wishing with all her heart that Ryouga would just stay away forever, and trying to keep her mind off that morning's dream.

Especially the last part. She had to keep her mind off the last part. But she couldn't help but wonder if there was some part of her subconscious that really _wanted _Ryouga to… No.

Ranma looked up for a moment, idly staring at a funny shaped cloud. She'd been female _too long_. She was feeling quite exposed. In fact, she was hardly even blushing when she was steered into the girls' locker room by someone who wasn't aware of Ranma's 'condition'. That, however, wasn't as odd as blushing when a new student had wolf-whistled at her, as rude and open as this was (footnote). But she'd blushed at that, and the new student _was a boy_! If Ranma had let herself think on a deeper level she'd be disturbed to find how in control her body was. Sadly, though, Ranma wasn't this accepting of her own mental freedom.

The funny shaped cloud was closer now, and was a funny color.

…The funny shaped cloud was _Shampoo_!

…With a _kettle_!

_Running_, thought Ranma, _would be a good idea right now…_

Only narrowly managing to dodge the hot water that was raining from the 'funny shaped cloud', Ranma caught the stick. She was pleased with herself until she realized that she'd caught it with her head.

"OW!" She yelled, infuriated. For no good reason she was absolutely furious with Shampoo. After all, normally this would simply be a minor nuisance, and she'd get on with it,

Ranma turned a glare on Shampoo so cold that when Mousse walked by he actually froze over before managing to get away, and Mousse was used to _Shampoo's_ glares!

However, Ranma noticed this; Shampoo winced under Ranma's gaze, and Ranma felt guilty. She felt her cheeks redden with embarrassment, but she turned around.

_Who cares about school right now?_ Ranma asked herself, heading home. She felt a rather unfamiliar sting in her eyes, and blamed it on hormones, refusing to let herself cry.

Shampoo, Ranma could tell, was still stuck in place, now wondering if she _could_ move anymore. So, Ranma'd learned to glare daggers _after all_.

It began to rain. However, on a different note, Ranma's mind was too taken up with guilt to notice anything outside her skin.

Eventually Ryouga spoke up irritably.

"Look, are you going to the Tendo dojo or not?" He snarled. However Ranma, who had been entirely unaware of the existence of anything other than herself, and her guilt, hadn't even noticed him. She jumped. Ryouga was smirking under his umbrella when she turned around, clearly feeling smug that he'd snuck up on her.

Ranma tried to tell him to just go away, and that no she wasn't going to the Tendo dojo, but she found she couldn't speak. Her throat tightened, and the only thing she could see was that image of Ryouga kissing her, no matter how hard she focused on shoving it to the back of her mind.

"Well?" Ryouga prompted her, growling in a piggish way. Ranma's vision began to blur. She felt her knees buckling under her weight, but just before she fell she muttered: "S'your fault…" then hit the pavement. It was a small victory, but there it was.

…

A very confused face was looming over Ranma when she woke up. After a moment, Ranma realized that it was her own face, and then it didn't seem quite as confused.

"Ah, a mirror." She said. The mirror reacted at the same time, though it was mute.

"Hmmm?" Said the voice of Ryouga, turning around and breaking the view Ranma had of herself through the mirror on his backpack. "Oh, you're awake," He said dully. Ranma tried to nod, but her neck was sore from hanging her head so low.

"Yeah," She said instead. After a moment of very confused momentum, and perhaps even a little gravity(though Ranma wasn't sure about it), Ranma was vertical, being held up by Ryouga.

_So you _can_ do something nice,_ thought Ranma, with a smile. Although this thought was cut short by Ryouga saying his next line.

"Now that you're awake, take me to Akane's house!" He said in the tones of someone who wasn't sharing their umbrella, no matter what.

Words fought to be said through Ranma's mouth, and all of them were rude. After a moment of carefully selecting, she picked the least offensive one.

"Bugger off." She said, struggling loose of Ryouga's grip.

"Isn't that a little beyond your normal vocabulary?" Said Ryouga in an arrogant tone.

_Hormones,_ thought Ranma again, then said. "It's your fault."

"What?" Said Ryouga. Ranma closed her eyes, and pinched her nose.

"Oh god… I want to _die_…" She said, hobbling away, realizing that on top of being pregnant she also had a fever, and could hardly walk. _Gosh, I'm thinking so slowly…_She thought.

However, she realized after another moment of not walking, she was being carried by…

…By Ryouga.

"You're steering." He warned her.

_Oh no…_ thought Ranma. _Akane's going to _lo-ove _this…_

…

And, Akane did. She loved it so much that her room might as well have been on fire. After all, she was in it, crackling with smoke coming out of her ears, and refused to make Ranma dinner.

"See? Akane doesn't want to see you." Said Ranma to Ryouga. It was true, though it wasn't the whole story.

"I do not understand. Is my undying love not enough for her? Why does she not want to see a man who loves her with all his heart?" Asked Ryouga, who had somehow gotten on top of the fridge and was using it as a stage.

"Get down from there, pig-man!" Said Ranma, throwing a banana at his head, which made a very satisfying _squish_ noise when it hit.

"Ranma, what have you done to poison my Akane?" Ryouga roared. Ranma was keenly aware of how close Ryouga's face was to hers.

"It's your fault, as I said." She stated, quite pleased with herself for not lying.

"What are you two up to?" Asked the new entry to the kitchen.

"Nabiki, you couldn't have picked a better time!" Said Ranma cheerfully, grabbing Ryouga by an ear. "Poor Ryouga needs a rebound girl, because his widdle-teeny-weeny heart was bwoken!" Said Ranma. Mentally she giggled at the baby-talk ending. Nabiki, for once, look completely at a loss for words.

"What's _wrong_ with you?" She asked, staring at Ranma with an increasingly puzzled expression.

"What _ever_ do you mean?" Asked Ranma, blinking as cutely as she could, clearly mocking Nabiki.

The girl continued to stare, and was slightly sad when she realized she didn't have her camera with her.

Ranma's view slowly panned to Ryouga's hand. Which, she found, was on her butt for balance. Ranma looked up at Ryouga's face, forcing an expression of disgust, because she wasn't sure why it didn't come on its own.

"Are you _that_ desperate? I'm a _guy_!" Said Ranma, bombarding Ryouga with fruit. Ryouga slowly fell over, and Ranma panted, out of breath, feeling very violated. She shuddered.

"I have to go wash myself now… Make sure not to let him touch you, Nabi-san." After a moment of walking Ranma's brain kicked in.

_Nabi-san?_ She wondered. _Did I really say that?_

Once in the bathroom Ranma froze. No longer was that nickname the most frightening thing, but now she saw a note, along with her pregnancy test. The note read as follows.

Hey Ranma, it'll cost you 10,000 yen a week if you want me to keep a lid on it. I got Akane to tell me who the father is… And I'll tell him…

Only one person in the word wrote notes like that. And that one person had been left in the same room as Ryouga… The person Ranma least wanted to have aware of a child in her womb(FN2).

(Footnote: he was an American…)

(FN2: Well, that's not true, really the person he least wanted to tell was Soun. Well, him and Genma.)

A/N: "_Hiyo! Miko-Chan here, hope you liked this chapter! I did the last half, and I'll do the first half of the next one. I can blame no one for the slow updating but myself… And Shino-Chan. Aanyhoo, have a great day, and all that jazz._"

A/N: Hey, it's me. Shinoru. Finally we have chapter 6 out! This story has gotten pretty far! I really like the dream sequence at the beginning, so review and tell me watcha thought! Also, chapter four of my story Icy Skies is almost ready… I did the first half of this chapter, and I think I am free of my writer's block! For at least a few seconds…


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